无老师iBT新托福作文巨讲堂(2013年11月号)

无老师优秀范例:Many people regard college as a place for students bending on study. It is also true that students will get professional knowledge on theoretic study to prepare for their future career. However, the more effective way is to linking(原文这里写错了,无老师不想改,满分作文也是允许有错误的,因为她是看你整体的水平) theory with practice, which means it is of vital importance for students, colleges, and even the whole society to have job preparation classes for students before their first job. Apparently, school is not only a place for just teaching us knowledge from the books, but also a place to help us build our character as well as direct our future orientation. The career courses function as a guide to our future job selection, universities should pay sufficient attention to it. 无老师优秀中文翻译:很多人将大学看做是学生们在学习上竭尽全力的地方。确实很多学生将会在理论学习上得到非常专业的知识,这将为未来的工作做准备。但是,其实更有效的方式是将理论联系实际,(因此,让人们)有第一份工作之前,先上一个工作预备班让学生、大学甚至整个社会在是非常的重要。 很显然,学校不仅仅是一个教授我们书本上知识的地方,而且还是一个帮助我们塑造自己的性格、和指引我们未来方向的地方。工作预备课程对我们未来的职业选择有帮助,大学应该对此给予充分的关注。 无老师平庸范例:Many people think that university is a place that students should work hard on study. Indeed, many students can get very professional knowledge in theory, and this will get ready for working. But, the more useful way is connecting the theory to the fact, and it is important to have a working preparing class, and it will be very important to the students, college and all society. Clearly, schools are not only a place which could teach knowledge from the books, but also a place that can help us to build our character, give direction for our future. Working preparing class is useful to our job selection, university should pay more attention. 无老师精析:这两段其实取材于一篇作文的一头一尾,主要是因为单纯的取其中任何一段,都太单薄了,因此无老师加班加点,特地附上两段内容。 当头炮,优秀范例:Many people regard college as a place for students bending on study.对比平庸范例Many people think that university is a place that students should work hard on study.其实在表示“认为”这个意思的时候,很多单词都能完成这个功能,比如说“argue”“suggest”“hold”,但是我们平时如果不注意的话,画着没有领悟到这一层的话,很容易就会写得特别的僵化,总是在“think”“believe”的反复用,显得特没受过教育。而优秀范例之中,只要想到了regard,那么自然会想到as,这没什么特别的。但是原作者能用到bending这个词,确实很令人出乎意料,写得非常地道,表示努力工作的意思。 把马跳,优秀范例It is also true that students will get professional knowledge on theoretic study to prepare for their future career.对比平庸范例Indeed, many students can get very professional knowledge in theory, and this will get ready for working.在本句话之中,优秀范例胜在两点,第一点是用词准确,第二点是连贯性很好。用词准确,显然讲的就是theoretic study这个表达方式写的很地道,很多时候,阅读量少,或者没有在英语环境下生活过,真的就是硬伤!一个简单的例子,在美国我们如果说“这个东西打包带走”,该怎么说?是的,你会说take out,但是实际上他们经常问你的to go?就是是否外带的意思。这么没办法,没在英文环境里生活过,办法真的不多。第二点就是优秀范例用了to do这个动词不定式来表示逻辑上的顺承,这个写的很地道,这就是语言之间的表达方式的不同决定的,这个只有先悟到,然后再慢慢尝试多写才行。 第三句,优秀范例However, the more effective way is to linking theory with practice, which means it is of vital importance for students, colleges, and even the whole society to have job preparation classes for students before their first job.对比平庸范例But, the more useful way is connecting the theory to the fact, and it is important to have a working preparing class, and it will be very important to the students, college and all society.这一句话,显然原作者发了大招。首先上来就是用了more effective way,但是平庸范例只是用了the more useful way,这就体现出汉语有的时候缺少细节,到底什么算有用呢“提高效率可以算有用,减少时间可以算有用,帮助沟通也可以算有用,但是,具体是哪一个,我们不清楚,这样我们的文章就显得空洞无味。但是如果我们能够写出更多的细节,就会让文章看上去很有趣,也更饱满。现在再来看射雕英雄传的第一句,“钱塘江浩浩江水,日日夜夜无穷无休的从临安牛家村边绕过,东流入海。”再试试自己转述一下这句话,是不是发现了,有的时候不仅仅是英文有问题,而是我们的中文有问题,本来就是写东西不够细。再来看more effective way是不是比more useful way写得更好些了。再接下来,其实link并不见得比connect好一点,只是两者之间用词不同而已,但是优秀范例用了with确实比平庸范例的to显得灵活一些。 但是接下来优秀范例,下面这半句话写的很地道!首先一个which引导的从句,引出前后两半句话是因果逻辑,然后马上一个mean顺势而出引出下面内容,当水滑到剑中,冷的反射出一滴寒光,一个be of vital结构从哪一点寒光之中钻入双眼,别看结构简单,但是我们竟然从来都没用过,漂亮!其后3者的并列students, colleges, and even the whole society看似简单,但是水滴已在剑尖摇摇欲坠,让人寒光四射,真的是于无声处听惊雷!要速速记下!后面的job preparation classes算不得是很优秀,但是始终是聊胜于无。其实更漂亮的是,水滴竟然一抖冲上10丈之高,引领了在场众英雄的眼神,在此处的before their first job,虽然一个不起眼的限定,但是恰好能点在这个位置,就让优秀范例写得特别饱满。其实小伙伴们可以试一下,没有这个before their first job这句话也完全成立,一点错误都没有,但是加上这个before their first job之后,就使句子显得细节很丰富,让众英雄好似寒冬突袭,木呆呆立在了当场。 第二段第一句,优秀范例Apparently, school is not only a place for just teaching us knowledge from the books, but also a place to help us build our character as well as direct our future orientation.对比平庸范例Clearly, schools are not only a place which could teach knowledge from the books, but also a place that can help us to build our character, give direction for our future.优秀范例的Apparently不见得比Clearly好很多,只是显得词汇量比较丰富。然后再接下来的not only…but also…用的也算俏皮,加0.1分!其实最大的亮点还是3个疾风闪电似的鹞子翻身,首先第一个from the books,跟前面的before their first job一样,没什么难度,但是我们很少想到会写。然后build our character与direct our future orientation就更是亮眼!我们第一次发现,原来还可以build 配character这样用的!以前没用过,快点发条微博记下来!然后direct又是一个名词进行了动词化,让在场的老少英雄,不禁嘴又张大了一圈!最后的一个orientation就已经该引得满堂彩了,但是作者竟然又加了一个future进行限定,竟然让几个刚脱了开裆裤的孩童惊讶的阴湿了裤子。 最后一句,就更是精彩!优秀范例The career courses function as a guide to our future job selection, universities should pay sufficient attention to it.对比平庸范例Working preparing class is useful to our job selection, university should pay more attention.在这里,优秀范例的function名词进行了动词化,很漂亮!有其优势as a guide而没有直接用guide,使得整个句子文绉绉的,接下来作者还扔出了future job selection,其实job换用career也可以,但是也无伤大雅,只是能用了select的名词,在这里是能看出作者的匠心的,然后作者没有单纯地用一个pay attention草草了事,而是错落有致的插入了sufficient和to it,使得整个的句子细节非常的饱满。词,真的不难,但是组合起来之后,真的是数月之后余音仍旧绕耳不绝。 本期作文巨讲堂,谢幕!