无老师iBT新托福作文巨讲堂(2013年10月号)

无老师优秀范例:The courses are mutual beneficial for not only the students but also the university. Increasing employment rates of graduates largely boost the school’s reputation among its potential application, thereby; the school will attract better students. What’s more, the successful graduates are likely to donate more money for the better future of their mother school, just thinking about the Ivy League’s funds and their great reputations in the whole world. So, there is no excuse for school not to take advantages of the resources to help students a better development in career. 无老师优秀中文翻译:这样的课程不仅对于学生很有益处,而且对于大学也很有好处。研究生就业率的增加极大的提升了学校的声誉,自然而然的,在潜在申请者之中;学校将会吸引更好的学生。不仅如此,那些取得成功的研究生,很有可能捐赠更多的钱给母校,来帮助母校未来的成长,我们只要想想藤校的资金和他们在全球范围内的声誉(就明白了)。因此,这里没有任何的借口可以提,如果学校不利用自己的资源来帮助学生在自己的工作中取得一个更好的发展。 无老师平庸范例:These classes are useful for the student and the university. The increasing of the graduates’ employment rate will increase the school’s name in the students who are going to apply, and the university will attract more good students. Besides, those successful students may give more money to the mother school to help the university’s development, and we can understand that by the example of the Ivy League’s money and their good name in the world. So there is no excuse for the universities to do not use their resource to help the students to have a good development in their job. 点滴之间见高低!用这句话来形容本篇优秀范例,实在是再恰当不过了! 当我们来看本篇优秀作文的时候,会发现整体句式并没有特别亮眼之处,但是就是在一些小词的运用上,充分显示出境界的不同! 第一句,亮剑!优秀范例:The courses are mutual beneficial for not only the students but also the university.对比平庸范例:These classes are useful for the student and the university.首先优秀范例用的beneficial这个词显示出自己的单词量不是泛泛之辈,但是这并不是本句的点睛之笔,本剧最提神的就是mutual这个词的使用!虽然我们都能想到用not only…but also…这样的固定搭配来连接“不仅,而且”但是能想到用mutual这个词来挖掘、并且加强内部就已经含有的“互相帮助”这层含义,确实是十分少见的。 第二句,上刺刀!优秀范例:Increasing employment rates of graduates largely boost the school’s reputation among its potential application, thereby; the school will attract better students.对比平庸范例The increasing of the graduates’ employment rate will increase the school’s name in the students who are going to apply, and the university will attract more good students. 很显然,在这里虽然•虽然在句子的开始,优秀范例和平庸范例都用了Increasing employment rates graduates这几个词,但是排列的方式的不同,使得平庸范例就成了很生硬的中文对英文的直接的翻译,但是在优秀范例之中,Increasing虽然是当做一个形容词来使用,但是仍然十分准确的表达出了“增加”的这层含义,而且没有丝毫的喧宾夺主,可以说是分成功。接下来,优秀范例又小傲娇了一下自己的单词量,用boost这个词,至于后面的reputation只能算是中规中矩,主要是后面的平庸范例表现的太差了,才显示出他比较耀眼。在他的后面potential application之中的potential虽然用得很到位,但是在之前的作文巨讲堂之中用的很多了,我们已经有点见怪不怪了。其实本句话最为有趣的是thereby这个词的使用,很简单,但是在位置上十分耐人寻味!到底是用于连接分号后面的,还是在连接分号前面这句话,亦或者是两句话都连接,如果是作者有意为之的话,那么可以说非常巧妙! 第三句,杀!优秀范例:What’s more, the successful graduates are likely to donate more money for the better future of their mother school, just thinking about the Ivy League’s funds and their great reputations in the whole world.对比平庸范例:Besides, those successful students may give more money to the mother school to help the university’s development, and we can understand that by the example of the Ivy League’s money and their good name in the world.当然我们都能发现,几个很显眼的亮点是are likely to这个固定搭配,donate这个词的使用,而不是像平庸范例傻傻的给出give这个词,显得一点都不准确,目的和方向性都不清楚,以及Ivy League’s funds这个词用得很准确。但是其实在整句话之中,最漂亮的就是just thinking!在这里,如果各位考友仔细的对比过无老师的中文翻译的话,我们会发现里面有一个(就明白了),是用括号标明的,这里是原文当中虽然没有明确说出,但是just thinking本身就已经表达出这层含义,而没有必要把后面一句话补全,这就好比高手之间过招,点到为止,举手投足之间,尽显高手本色!绝对的加分亮点! 最后一句话,定江山!优秀范例:So, there is no excuse for school not to take advantages of the resources to help students a better development in career.对比平庸范例So there is no excuse for the universities to do not use their resource to help the students to have a good development in their job.显然无老师淘气了一下,故意在平庸范例里做了个语法错误,就是to do not use,要是非要说有点的话,亮点不是很多,应该有2处,一是优秀范例用了no excuse for,平庸范例是模仿之下就跟着用了,另外一个是优秀范例用了take advantages of这个固定搭配,还算及格水平,其他的,别无令人欣赏的地方。