无老师iBT新托福作文巨讲堂(2015年05月号)

无老师优秀范例:The major reason for my propensity for space technology is the potential of scientific research. No matter how the impact it occurred, from the moment of its very advent, scientific research had become the very dictator of our future. It is by these researches that human beings, the only creature with intelligence on the earth, began to beat their wings of aspiration. And more importantly, it had indeed done a great good for the humankind. Can you imagine getting access to the world wide web at your desk after rising in the morning without the research of millions of computer ancestors? Similarly, it is highly probable that the great-grandchildren of your great-grandchildren would be enjoying a trip across the “worm hole” while giving thanks secretly to his forefather, you, who voted for the expenditure on scientific research. In a word, the space project enjoys great potential, and should therefore be taken into account in top priority to ensure a better future of mankind. 无老师优秀翻译:我倾向于太空技术的最主要的原因,是在于科学研究的潜力。无论他已经产生了怎样的影响,从他出现的第一天起,科学研究就成了我们未来世界的决定力量。就是因为这些研究,你们人类,作为地球上唯一的智慧生物,打开了自己希望的翅膀。更重要的是,它对人类来说也是很有益的。你可以想象在清晨我们醒来之后,就可以在书桌旁开始上网,如果没有数以万计的计算机先驱的实验的话?与之相似,这也是十分有可能的,那就是我们的子孙将会有机会参加穿越虫洞的旅行,而他会感谢作为祖先的你,因为你为科学研究投了郑重的一票。总而言之,空间项目有很大的潜力,应该放在造福人类的第一优先级作为考虑。 无老师平庸范例:The main reason that I support space technology is the potential of science. Now matter how many impacts they have made, from the first day, science was our future world's important power. Because of these science, humans as the first clever animal, open their hope's wing. The more important thing is that it is very good to humans. You can think when we are awake in the morning, we can go to the internet on our desk, if we do not have so many computer old people? Similarly, that is possible that our next generations can join the worm hole journey, and they will thank to you as the ancestor who vote for the science. All in all, space projects have big potentials, they should be put at the first priority to consider. 真的是生硬地写出平庸范例,真的是好难好难啊!尤其是在这片优秀范例文笔本来就这么好的情况下,尤其的难!但是为了小伙伴们的学习成绩能够突飞猛进,无老师只好拼了! 这个月的作文巨讲堂真的是好长!无老师已经写到吐血,小伙伴们学的也要加油哦! 其实小伙伴们乍看本期作文巨讲堂的时候,第一感觉有可能就是优秀范例比平庸范例长好多啊,之所以会出现这种情况,就是因为优秀范例因为词汇量的绝对压倒优势,使得自己的写作细节非常的丰富!比如说描绘一双眼睛,平庸范例有可能写的就是这是一双明亮的眼睛,而优秀范例写的就是,那一双明眸,让在场的小伙伴都看到了人性的光芒,这就是差距,虽然都是同一件事,但是因为描绘的细节的丰富,使得优秀范例的分数遥遥领先。 本月的优秀作文是以句型的变化,小词的使用见长,倒装,并列,同位语一样不缺,而且还有各种用的很准确的小词,绝对是上品中的上品!话不多说,上品评! 无老师精析: 第一句,优秀范例:The major reason for my propensity for space technology is the potential of scientific research.对比平庸范例The main reason that I support space technology is the potential of science. 本句话,我们平时写支持某个观点,很有可能写的就是类似于平庸范例的The main reason that I support,用动词support来表示支持。但是优秀范例故意用了名词性的my propensity for就显得词汇量非常丰富,而且也使得表达方式很新颖和多样化,其实这可以当做一个小的模板来用,然后再接下来,优秀范例的the potential为后文铺平了道路,也指明了本段的写作方向,这都是极好的加分点! 第二句,优秀范例No matter how the impact it occurred, from the moment of its very advent, scientific research had become the very dictator of our future.对比平庸范例Now matter how many impacts they have made, from the first day, science was our future world's important power.首先本句用了the impact和it occur与前一句的potential of scientific research相呼应,使得前后两句话相关联起来。然后再接下来,优秀范例用了No matter作为句首,使得本句话没有延续上句的主谓宾的节奏,使得读者读起来不会感觉到疲劳,而且本句话的两个逗号也非常好的调整了本句话的节奏,使得读者读起来会感觉结构很易懂,这是作为句型的优点。表达方法上来说,优秀范例不仅用了advent来显示自己的词汇的丰富性,而且还分别用了the moment of和very来对其进行强调,这是非常漂亮的加分项,然后优秀范例还不满足,又再次祭出了强调用法very来强调dictator,其实这里最漂亮的,就是dictator这个词,因为我们平时最有可能用到的并不是dictator这个词,而是很有可能用到determine这样的词,但是作者跳出了这句局限,用了dictator“独裁者”来显示其的权威性,这就好像说一个人漂亮,不单纯说其很漂亮,而是说对方把范冰冰、李冰冰、angelbaby的优点集合于一身的感觉,这就写得非常令人感同身受,赞~\(≧▽≦)/~! 第三句,优秀范例It is by these researches that human beings, the only creature with intelligence on the earth, began to beat their wings of aspiration.对比平庸范例Because of these science, humans as the first clever animal, open their hope's wing.就会发现平庸范例的as the first clever animal和hope's wing真的都只是东施效颦,写的完全词不达意。首先优秀范例用了强调句式It is...that,特别强调researches 的作用,而且这里的these researches还起到与前文呼应的作用,使得本句与前一句所提到scientific research产生关联,说明本句话与前一句话,还是讨论相同的内容。而且从第一句的,单纯的主谓宾句式,到第二句的No matter位于句首,再到本句话的It is...that的强调句式3句话,每句一个新的表达方式,让考官怎能不加分!然后优秀范例竟然再次祭出同位语!the only creature with intelligence on earth对于前面的human beings进行解释和说明,相当于大魔术之中,也就是3句话3个句型之中,又套了一个小魔术同位语,真是让人击掌叫好!而且在这里,优秀范例的选词也都非常书面化,creature和intelligence都是非常书面化的用语,而且最后又用on earth对其进行限定,漂亮!而且这里的结尾写得非常有诗意!beat their wings of aspiration“张开了希望的翅膀”,几乎是诗意的文字!考官看到都要醉了! 第四句,优秀范例And more importantly, it had indeed done a great good for the humankind.对比平庸范例The more important thing is that it is very good to humans.优秀范例首先又用and和more与前文进行连接,然后优秀范例的more importantly,看似平淡无奇,但是当我们看到平庸范例的The more important thing看吐了之后,就发现,优秀范例写的真简洁,真好啊!然后优秀范例又用了indeed来进行语气的加强,加分!其后a great good看似平淡无奇,不就是表示“好”么,有什么了不起的。实际上吧,小伙伴们有没有发现,这里的good,不是形容词,而是名词!是的,这里的good不是形容词,“好”的意思,而是名词“善良”的意思!是不是感觉,自己之前都没有这样用过? 第五句,优秀范例Can you imagine getting access to the world wide web at your desk after rising in the morning without the research of millions of computer ancestors?平庸范例You can think when we are awake in the morning, we can go to the internet on our desk, if we do not have so many computer old people?首先,优秀范例的Can you imagine,写的很地道!然后再接下来,不知道小伙伴们有没有疑惑过,“上网”到底该怎么写?是的,优秀范例,在这里给你做了一个完美的范例getting access to the world wide web,精彩!然后“早晨起来”到底该怎么写,我们通常都是像平庸范例一样,写个从句when we are awake in the morning,但是实际上,优秀范例,只需要一个简单的介宾短语after rising in the morning,这就够了!为什么要用那么麻烦的从句的形式呢?同理,你们再比较一下优秀范例的without the research of millions of computer ancestors和平庸范例的if we do not have so many computer old people,懂不? 第六句,优秀范例Similarly, it is highly probable that the great-grandchildren of your great-grandchildren would be enjoying a trip across the “worm hole” while giving thanks secretly to his forefather, you, who voted for the expenditure on scientific research.对比平庸范例Similarly, that is possible that our next generations can join the worm hole journey, and they will thank to you as the ancestor who vote for the science.小伙伴们是不是觉得,像平庸范例那样,总是用possible已经感觉到累了,是的,优秀范例告诉你,这种句型下,可以用it is probable that,不仅如此,还可以用一个副词highly来修饰probable,表示很大的可能性。接下来,优秀范例调皮了,竟然写出了the great-grandchildren of your great-grandchildren,无老师只能暗暗地说一声:你狠!然后找个小本,飞快的记下来,原来几代之后子孙,是这么写的。其后,优秀范例的enjoy写的也很地道,在这里用了enjoy,而不是用了take,可以表明,优秀范例的英语,至少已经“小成”了!然后,优秀范例竟然想到了,“worm hole”虫洞的例子,只觉得让人脑洞大开,原来还可以这样! 这就完了么?没有!优秀范例接下来又把thank给名词化,并且配上了giving,组成giving thanks,然后再用secretly来就是giving thanks,组成giving thanks secretly to,写得十分精细,而且书面化!不加分都难!而且,作者又精巧的写出his forefather, you,又是用到了同位语,来进行补充说明,而且也将句子的节奏调整的恰到好处,否则,小伙伴们有没有发现,写到这里句子已经很长了,读者马上就要烦躁了,恰好此时,用一个同位语来断句,调整好句子的结构,让读者喘一口气,继续欣赏下去。至于在优秀范例的最后,作者再次用了vote和expenditure,小秀一下自己的词汇量,是的,老娘的英语就是这么凶悍! 最后一句,优秀范例:In a word, the space project enjoys great potential, and should therefore be taken into account in top priority to ensure a better future of mankind.对比平庸范例All in all, space projects have big potentials, they should be put at the first priority to consider.最后一句话,In a word只能算是标准配置,算不得亮点,接下来的两个亮点,小伙伴们已经遇到过了,就是enjoy和potential,这里,无老师特别强调一下enjoy这个词,很好用的一个词,用的好的话,可以代替take,have等一系列常用的动词,建议小伙伴们多找些例句学习一下。至于优秀范例最后半句话,真的是发力很猛!taken into account in“选择”、top priority“首选”以及a better future“光明的未来”,3个固定搭配,都是耳熟能详,建议小伙伴们都背下来,都是很好用的固定搭配,而且又搭配了一个ensure,虽然很简单,但是我们平时真的用的不多,所以也算加分项! 看得爽吧!快点模仿起来啊!单纯的看懂很容易,但使用好,真的很难!刚把得!